got this from IM.....very funny IMO
This is HILARIOUS. My friend sent this to me....
Extreme Gym Etiquette... (san jose east)
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Date: 2007-09-21, 3:35AM PDT
Iím a gym rat. I work out 3-4 times a week for no more than 45minutes at a time, anymore than that, I feel like I need to get a life. I pay my dues just like everyone else, and have tried maybe 5 different gyms, and have stayed with the last one since 2001. So Iíve seen some pretty disturbing s**t.
You see working out does require some etiquette, just like eating out or going out, and certain rules should apply. Now I suppose a post like this has been written before, so consider this a reminder primarily tailored towards guys in the weight room. Follow these rules and examples and gyms will be pleasant places for all to get in shape.
1: Guys donít shave your balls in the menís room in front of the mirror for everyone to see. Itís gross. Whether you do it or not, is your prerogative, but just donít display it in public. I donít give a hoot if youíre grooming; youíre also offending. Do it in your own bathroom not in the menís locker room. Sick f__k.
2: Hey wimpy, especially you young narcissists, quit the constant flexing and posing in front of the mirror. Itís lame. If youíre going to admire yourself or watch the gradual changes in your physique, do it at home in the bathroom with the door closed so your mom canít see either. I see this and I bust out laughing.
3: To the touchy feely guy: Quit squeezing your own tits every time you do a set on the bench press. I mean címon, theyíre still there and yeah maybe they are growing too. You can feel your bicep a little but donít overdo it.
4: Mr. Abs: WE GOT IT. You have a six-pack; So do I, but that doesnít mean Iím going to flash every five minutes to boost my ego. Youíre trying to be nonchalant and accidental about it too. Letís look at it this way, how accidental is it for a girl to lift up her skirt every few minutes. This guy also qualifies as a touchy feely one, constantly feeling-up his abdomen. You can feel your gut, to see if itís tightening up, but lighten up on the self-groping.
5: Attention OGRES, yeah you! The fool who grunts like someoneís shoving a dumbbell up his a**. Knock it off. Your momma gave you attention when you made noise like that as a baby; we wonít, because itís annoying as hell, throws off our concentration, and makes you look ignorant.
6: Cliques suck. The rule of thumb is: have ďAĒ work out partner, not the whole frigginí boyz in tha hood with you. Two to three guys on a machine is fine, but you and your platoon suck, because youíre loud, you take way too much time on one machine, your humor is wack, you guys laugh at s__t thatís not even funny, and worst of all, you suck up all the space in the room.
7: Slobs and Notso Math Geniuses are not allowed. For example you grab about a half a dozen dumbbells, spread them around your area like they were yours, and then you illustrate the lowest of character by leaving them there when youíre done, probably expecting mommy to come and clean up after your a**. You suck. Iíll bet you still sport s**t stains on your underwear. A notso math genius is the idiot who canít seem to match up numbers very well. You place the 15ís in the 35lb spot or you place the 100ís in the 50lb spot, see my point. The best part is, people like this screw the whole number system up so much that no one gives a damn about where the weights go anymore.
8: Dancing is not allowed. Itís so random and looks stupid. It looks even more stupid if that someone is dancing while wearing headphones. So you appreciate the lame house music on the loudspeaker. SO WHAT! Getting into the music on your headphones, tapping your feet, or moving your head a little to get psyched up is cool, but starting your own little dance-dance revolution, sucks a**.
9: Wannabe millionaire. Yeah you! Hang up the phone. Yes I can hear you talking big figures and dollars and so can everyone else, but serious if you really were that much of a big-shot youíd be working out in a country club, and not some 50-300 buck a month gym. Take your phone conversations to the corner, keep it low where no one can hear it, or go outside.
10: Gyms are not campsites. Some of you people make me start to think that youíve got a lease on a particular workout machine. Why do I think this, because in a half an hours time, you only complete 3-4 sets with 10-minute rest periods. You people really suck. You have a friendly chat on your phone, you daydream, or reminisce about the good ole days, while people like me want to get in and out of the gym in less than an hour, waiting in line for your lazy a** to finish. No camping allowed.
11: The gym is not really an area for too much creativity. I donít know what the deal is, but I mostly see weird acts performed by guys who look like theyíre still in puberty, or going through midlife crisis. Hereís a few examples of what Iím talking about that annoy the crap out of me: standing on medicine balls (do you plan to join the circus?); standing on your head (makes me want to knock you over); hoisting your legs up in a wheelbarrow position on anything (I know youíre trying to look athletic, but it looks stupid); Air Boxing (youíre in the wrong gym); Karate Kid Moves (okÖ youíre a badass), and hoola-hooping for extended periods of time (wtf?).
12: There should be a limit on technology. I get a kick out of these guys who show up looking like Robo-Cop. Theyíve got their mega-gig ipods strapped to their arms like theyíre armed and dangerous, their bluetooth headset on, and their big fancy as* cell phone clipped to their waist. Seriously, if you wanna kiss your Iphone good-bye in more ways than one, bring it to the gym.
13: To all Gym Pirates: ARR Matey! What is with the Aunt Jemima head wrap. Lose it. Are you planning on "swabbing the decks" or pickin' strawberries, which is it? Besides, Chicks don't dig it; wear a baseball cap instead.
Well, that concludes my lucky 13 rant contributions to this bitc*ing and moaning website, hope to see you at the gym behaving yourself. Kind regards.