Hello ; i am new to the forum ; are there any nutritional psychologists on the forum???? or people who have maybe been through the same problems as i go through at the moment????

I apologise for making this such a long first post ; but it is important ; and i would like to hear if anyone on here has been through similar.

I dont class myself as a 'competitive bodybuilder', but i do train with intensity, committment, determination and consistency, to improve my physique.

The main problem with food i have is -

I never have a cheat meal - i tell myself every weekend that i have worked hard all week - trained really well all week - and i should enjoy myself - even if it is just eating more clean calories - but just not weighing every piece of food i eat and eating clean - i even went out to buy some part baked bread today - to have some chicken baguettes - hardly unhealthy - yet i couldnt bring myself to eat them for whatever reason - annoying - as i think it must be hindering the ability to add mass (by limiting calorie intake to grow, but also possibly through stress and increased cortisol secretion).

I avoid all social events - so i can eat clean - i weigh all my food - i havent had a cheat meal in about 16 months - my girlfriend who is very supportive - never says anything - but i havent taken her out for meal or anything in nearly 2 years - no Chinese - no ice cream on a weekend - no relaxing - just weighing my food - and being almost robotic.

As you can see, i have been with this mindset for a while, and it has started to take over my life. I train with weights because i love it - but it is taking over my life - eating clean and counting every calorie - i really weant to enjoy some of the foods i ate before i changed lifestyle to lifting weights and training hard - but i cant seem to.

I have had anxiety and OCD, and i do still have that, which makes things more difficult. I have tried to see a specialist. I was on the waiting list to see a CBT but the waiting list is that long with the NHS (here in England) that i have never had an appointment. Had the first appointment with the psychiatrist, who then referred me to the CBT specialist, but like i say, never had an appointment.

Whilst i dont want to be a fat person - i have no aspirations to be a COMPETITIVE bodybuilder - and i dont really care too much if i can see my abs - so what is holding me back with my psychological problem with food?

Has anyone had similar problems and overcome them???? if so please provide some words of encouragement or advice!!!! it would be very much appreciated.

Thank you!!!!